Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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