Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
