Have you finally orgasmed yet?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
