tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
