My pussy is not your playground.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
