why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
