so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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