I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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