She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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