would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
