her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
