it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Randomize
