He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
