You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
