Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
