Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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