just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
