Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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