It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
