I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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