Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
