dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
