I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
