So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
