Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
