you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
