I can feel you judging me through the phone.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
is wine microwaveable?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
