Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
