cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
