btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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