how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
