2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
