Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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