what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
