I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
