I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Also, beer. Big fan.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
