sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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