my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
