I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
