Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
my sisters under your porch take her home
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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