3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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