ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My ass is underappreciated
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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