so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
