Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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