Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
