is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
