so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
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