you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
