i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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