Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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