would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
