I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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