I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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