if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
