I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
