I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
