I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i out mim tonsoeep
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