He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize