You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i think i just lost a toe
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
