Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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