capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
