I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
