I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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