hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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