Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
